Do not ask questions for which answers you will not receive.
Do not taint and pollute this world with your sick obsessions!
You! Some vile creature that breeds in deep, stale waters; manifesting into a pathogen that spread to the purest of hearts, like poison flowing through my veins from your snake bite.
Your malice torture to my cathasis as you rip me to shreds due to that profound evil inside you! But i. . . i am just a reflection.
A reflection of what you will never fathom, never be, but always want.
Just some isolated soul whose spirit you'll never posses; for there is no armour against fate and forever, i will preach your insanity.
NOVEMBER 2008
2009/06/01
2009/02/21
My Belovéd Traitor
So slowly it eats away at me,
So slowly it ravages my heart.
Like an ice-tipped spear separating the fine threading of my skin,
The threading that once held me together.
Oh, how much I wish these sores would heal!
How much I wish they would disappear.
Just like you…disappear,
Gone forever.
But now all I have are these crevices, cracks and depressions you have left me with.
No solidarity, no love and sincerity,
Just your viciousness leaking in everywhere,
Your viciousness that halts my catharsis.
And now, all I have is more anger and pain,
For you this time;
My Belovéd Traitor
30/10/2008
©AGK
So slowly it ravages my heart.
Like an ice-tipped spear separating the fine threading of my skin,
The threading that once held me together.
Oh, how much I wish these sores would heal!
How much I wish they would disappear.
Just like you…disappear,
Gone forever.
But now all I have are these crevices, cracks and depressions you have left me with.
No solidarity, no love and sincerity,
Just your viciousness leaking in everywhere,
Your viciousness that halts my catharsis.
And now, all I have is more anger and pain,
For you this time;
My Belovéd Traitor
30/10/2008
©AGK
Your Love Silhouette
A silhouette, dark and mysterious to me.
A figure outlined against a white background,
Enhanced by the light around it.
It seems so close, certain it’s within my grasp,
Yet my grasp finds nothing but wild particles of air,
Slipping away between my fingers.
It draws nearer and nearer,
As I am tormented by it’s overpowering emphasis.
It seeps into my skin like a demon entering the body of a sinner.
And as it flows through my veins with vengeance as it embraces me.
I feel wronged by this overwhelming creature,
Slipping in and out as it pleases;
There is no concern, there is no respect,
There is no sign of regret.
Flooded by feelings unfamiliar to me,
I surrender to this beast.
09/10/2008
©AGK
A figure outlined against a white background,
Enhanced by the light around it.
It seems so close, certain it’s within my grasp,
Yet my grasp finds nothing but wild particles of air,
Slipping away between my fingers.
It draws nearer and nearer,
As I am tormented by it’s overpowering emphasis.
It seeps into my skin like a demon entering the body of a sinner.
And as it flows through my veins with vengeance as it embraces me.
I feel wronged by this overwhelming creature,
Slipping in and out as it pleases;
There is no concern, there is no respect,
There is no sign of regret.
Flooded by feelings unfamiliar to me,
I surrender to this beast.
09/10/2008
©AGK
Tears on Fire
For you this poem I write,
For you these tears I shed.
These tears that burn scars on my face,
The flames spat from the depths of my eyes.
These tears so filled with passion,
Long to find its way to you.
These tears so filled with yearning,
Contain the tiny particles that form your name.
Your name-tears pooling in the depths of my soul,
Building and growing,
Drowning me whole.
These tears – a fueled fire in my soul,
Conflicting, contrasting, colliding with your peaceful, cool serenity;
Flowing through my veins,
Creeping up my body,
Filling me with what was once my blood.
For you this poem I write,
For you these tears I shed.
These tears that represent the sensitive membrane lining my soul,
So hot…so eager to escape;
These tears on fire are burning me whole.
24/08/2008
©AGK
For you these tears I shed.
These tears that burn scars on my face,
The flames spat from the depths of my eyes.
These tears so filled with passion,
Long to find its way to you.
These tears so filled with yearning,
Contain the tiny particles that form your name.
Your name-tears pooling in the depths of my soul,
Building and growing,
Drowning me whole.
These tears – a fueled fire in my soul,
Conflicting, contrasting, colliding with your peaceful, cool serenity;
Flowing through my veins,
Creeping up my body,
Filling me with what was once my blood.
For you this poem I write,
For you these tears I shed.
These tears that represent the sensitive membrane lining my soul,
So hot…so eager to escape;
These tears on fire are burning me whole.
24/08/2008
©AGK
The Gift of Your Insanity
And here I am,
Sitting alone in a dark room,
With my eyes wide open,
Focusing on nothing.
I sit here quietly mellowing over dangerous, irretrievable words,
Words that penetrate my now weak exterior,
Hitting at me like wild bullets,
Harming my inner sensitivity.
My heart and soul now badly bruised,
With wounds that won’t heal with time.
My tears no longer a sorrow that you feel,
But rather the anger of despise.
I wait here patiently reminding myself of a forgotten strength,
I close my eyes from the darkness around me,
Only to be flooded by more.
I have become the lie, beautiful and free in my own righteous mind,
As I am forced to regret the warmth you once gave to me.
But here I sit, exposed and vulnerable,
Speaking words of no sense and seemingly no meaning,
Speaking with the wild eyes of a mad person,
As I adore and preach,
The insanity that you gave to me.
08/05/2008
©AGK
Sitting alone in a dark room,
With my eyes wide open,
Focusing on nothing.
I sit here quietly mellowing over dangerous, irretrievable words,
Words that penetrate my now weak exterior,
Hitting at me like wild bullets,
Harming my inner sensitivity.
My heart and soul now badly bruised,
With wounds that won’t heal with time.
My tears no longer a sorrow that you feel,
But rather the anger of despise.
I wait here patiently reminding myself of a forgotten strength,
I close my eyes from the darkness around me,
Only to be flooded by more.
I have become the lie, beautiful and free in my own righteous mind,
As I am forced to regret the warmth you once gave to me.
But here I sit, exposed and vulnerable,
Speaking words of no sense and seemingly no meaning,
Speaking with the wild eyes of a mad person,
As I adore and preach,
The insanity that you gave to me.
08/05/2008
©AGK
Daddy, I Remember
Daddy, I remember the look you got in your eyes everytime you picked me up and embraced me in your arms. I remember the pride you took in your little girl, the girl you were sure would make you proud with all that she does.
Daddy, I remember the days when you used to carry me on your back when I was too tired to walk. I remember how you cradled me in you arms as you rocked me to sleep. I remember how I would lie in bed as you read to me and watched as I drifted away.
Daddy, I remember how you would wake up in the middle of the night to make me something to eat because I was hungry. I remember how you would feed me when I was sick and bring me my medicine.
Daddy, I remember how you came running when I woke up in terror from a bad dream, screaming for you. I remember how you would sleep next to me and how I would wrap my arms and legs around you, knowing you would keep me safe, knowing you were my security.
Daddy, I remember how you panicked every time I was injured. I remember how angry you got every time someone hurt me, because you were not there to protect me.
Daddy, you made me believe that I was invincible because I had you – my invincible shield. You made me believe that no one could ever hurt me and no harm would ever come to me, because I had you – my invincible shield.
Then why.
Why did you let him touch me!
Why did you let him get so close!
I was so young.
You should have seen!
You should have known!
Daddy, why didn’t you protect me?
Daddy, now that you know I see you try so hard, I see how much you want to protect me from the evil in this world. I see how much you love me, I see how much you care. I know I am your little girl – the apple of your eye, centre of your existence.
Daddy, you give me everything any daughter could ever want from their father, and I will always love you more than anyone in this world.
Daddy, you are amazing.
Daddy, you are my hero.
07/04/2006
©AGK
Daddy, I remember the days when you used to carry me on your back when I was too tired to walk. I remember how you cradled me in you arms as you rocked me to sleep. I remember how I would lie in bed as you read to me and watched as I drifted away.
Daddy, I remember how you would wake up in the middle of the night to make me something to eat because I was hungry. I remember how you would feed me when I was sick and bring me my medicine.
Daddy, I remember how you came running when I woke up in terror from a bad dream, screaming for you. I remember how you would sleep next to me and how I would wrap my arms and legs around you, knowing you would keep me safe, knowing you were my security.
Daddy, I remember how you panicked every time I was injured. I remember how angry you got every time someone hurt me, because you were not there to protect me.
Daddy, you made me believe that I was invincible because I had you – my invincible shield. You made me believe that no one could ever hurt me and no harm would ever come to me, because I had you – my invincible shield.
Then why.
Why did you let him touch me!
Why did you let him get so close!
I was so young.
You should have seen!
You should have known!
Daddy, why didn’t you protect me?
Daddy, now that you know I see you try so hard, I see how much you want to protect me from the evil in this world. I see how much you love me, I see how much you care. I know I am your little girl – the apple of your eye, centre of your existence.
Daddy, you give me everything any daughter could ever want from their father, and I will always love you more than anyone in this world.
Daddy, you are amazing.
Daddy, you are my hero.
07/04/2006
©AGK
Prayer Before Birth
I am not yet born; O hear me.
The world is an ugly place,
It scares me.
I am not yet born; encourage me.
A mother to love and guide me,
Through difficult times,
To shield and protect me.
I am not yet born; prepare me.
For the good and bad that awaits me,
For the many wonders of the Almighty,
The greed and selfishness of society.
I am not yet born; release me.
Into a world that shall provoke me,
Mistakes I shall make and experiences I shall gain,
To teach me.
I am not yet born; O scold me.
For the evil that lies within me,
The resentment and wrath released by me.
I am not yet born; fulfill me.
With dreams and aspirations
To propel me.
I long for this world that awaits me,
And I pray that the good Lord guides me.
08/2005
©AGK
The world is an ugly place,
It scares me.
I am not yet born; encourage me.
A mother to love and guide me,
Through difficult times,
To shield and protect me.
I am not yet born; prepare me.
For the good and bad that awaits me,
For the many wonders of the Almighty,
The greed and selfishness of society.
I am not yet born; release me.
Into a world that shall provoke me,
Mistakes I shall make and experiences I shall gain,
To teach me.
I am not yet born; O scold me.
For the evil that lies within me,
The resentment and wrath released by me.
I am not yet born; fulfill me.
With dreams and aspirations
To propel me.
I long for this world that awaits me,
And I pray that the good Lord guides me.
08/2005
©AGK
View from My Balcony
I stand here looking out from my balcony,
I stand here watching the world.
I watch as the sun lights up the cloudless sky above,
I watch as the children play in the streets below.
The sunshine that brings laughter, smiles and fun;
The sunshine that brings happiness.
I feel my world shake as I hear the thunder boom through the land,
The light blue, cloudless sky now dark.
The lightning flashing through the sky,
Like the searing pain in my heart.
I look below to everyone running for shelter,
Screaming back at the tormenting noise in the sky.
Here I stand, high on my balcony,
Watching these naïve, judgemental people.
I watch how they smile when they see 18 year old David serenading 16 year old Anne,
I watch how they frown when they see two 20 year old men holding hands while walking in the park,
Or two 20 year old women kissing while sitting under a tree, enjoying their picnic like everyone else.
I watch and wonder what our little children will turn out to be.
Will they be open minded and accepting of others,
Or will they be amongst those who frown upon them,
Because they are the few who are not afraid of who they really are;
Not afraid of showing the world their true colours.
I stand here remembering how I was once judged.
Judged for telling people who I am – allowing them to see
I stand here remembering being pushed outside in the pouring rain;
The fence in front of me, keeping me from everyone else,
Jailed within my own body, own conscience.
People shouting and pointing at the outcast behind the fence,
Dogs barking ferociously at something they do not recognise.
Will the judging ever stop?
Will these naïve people ever realise that I am just a reflection of them;
Perhaps that is why they hate me yet I do not hate myself.
Or will I just be expected to stand here on my balcony,
Searching the turbulent sky,
And allow the rain to come in over my face,
And wash away my shame?
07/01/2007
©AGK
I stand here watching the world.
I watch as the sun lights up the cloudless sky above,
I watch as the children play in the streets below.
The sunshine that brings laughter, smiles and fun;
The sunshine that brings happiness.
I feel my world shake as I hear the thunder boom through the land,
The light blue, cloudless sky now dark.
The lightning flashing through the sky,
Like the searing pain in my heart.
I look below to everyone running for shelter,
Screaming back at the tormenting noise in the sky.
Here I stand, high on my balcony,
Watching these naïve, judgemental people.
I watch how they smile when they see 18 year old David serenading 16 year old Anne,
I watch how they frown when they see two 20 year old men holding hands while walking in the park,
Or two 20 year old women kissing while sitting under a tree, enjoying their picnic like everyone else.
I watch and wonder what our little children will turn out to be.
Will they be open minded and accepting of others,
Or will they be amongst those who frown upon them,
Because they are the few who are not afraid of who they really are;
Not afraid of showing the world their true colours.
I stand here remembering how I was once judged.
Judged for telling people who I am – allowing them to see
I stand here remembering being pushed outside in the pouring rain;
The fence in front of me, keeping me from everyone else,
Jailed within my own body, own conscience.
People shouting and pointing at the outcast behind the fence,
Dogs barking ferociously at something they do not recognise.
Will the judging ever stop?
Will these naïve people ever realise that I am just a reflection of them;
Perhaps that is why they hate me yet I do not hate myself.
Or will I just be expected to stand here on my balcony,
Searching the turbulent sky,
And allow the rain to come in over my face,
And wash away my shame?
07/01/2007
©AGK
Time Bring with It
20/05/2006
Time - the one thing no one can run away from, but it can run away from you.
Time - the one thing that is limited yet unlimited.
Time - the one thing we moan we have too little of or groan we have too much.
Time - something we either take advantage of or let it pass us by slowly...very slowly, as if watching the sand fall through the hourglass;
Feeling every second;
Watching as it slips away.
Time brings peace, contentment, experience, knowledge and wisdom.
Time brings unhappiness, distress, anxiety, fear, regrets and misfortune.
I often wonder why time is time.
Why is it called time?
Why should it be so important?
No one understands.
No one realises.
Time has brought me pain, anger, suffering and disgust.
Time has robbed me of what was due to me...what I didn't have but everyone else had.
Time forced maturity upon me.
It opened my eyes to the big, bad world.
Young, I was, sweet and naive.
Deprived - it was taken away from me.
Don't touch me!
You have no right.
I have my space as all people do.
Who are you to invade that?
Who are you to come into my space, my place and protective zone?
You…are...no one.
You are not special.
Time has shown me that.
Time has brought with it insight, clarity and understanding.
Trust no one.
Trust yourself.
Wait, wait! Wait for the answers; time will bring them.
I waited.
I am waiting.
How much longer?
When do I get them?
When does it all end?
Trauma…fear.
Taunted and haunted by the dreadful past.
The past - time has passed.
I wish upon my future.
I wonder with curiosity.
I wait with anticipation.
Does time change what the future holds based on what the past held or what today brings?
Is anything guaranteed in life...except death?
Death…
Time brings with it death.
Death is guaranteed.
Why is only death guaranteed?
It was once said and today I still ask this question: "Why is it that when we are born, we are crying and everyone else is smiling but when we die, we are smiling and everyone else is crying?"
I wonder...
Should it not be reversed?
Should we all not cry to be born into this tainted world?
Should we all not smile to know we are leaving hell and going to heaven?
"Live life to the full."
Should I bungee jump?
Climb Everest?
Is that living life to the full?
Is life on earth?
"Live life to the full."
Care for those that don't always care about you.
Be sincere though at times, they are not sincere to you.
Be a friend - a person there through the good and bad;
A person who does not judge others.
A person who will keep the same perception of you irrespective of what cards life has dealt you.
Love your neighbour.
Why should I love my neighbour if he doesn't love me?
God loves my neighbour, therefore, I will too.
I hate time.
I'm lost, bewildered, confused and muddled up within the complications of my own life - unaware of where I am going and why.
Going forward, I am, but only because time is taking me there;
Not because I know where I am going.
I lack direction;
Or will it come with time?
©AGK
Time - the one thing no one can run away from, but it can run away from you.
Time - the one thing that is limited yet unlimited.
Time - the one thing we moan we have too little of or groan we have too much.
Time - something we either take advantage of or let it pass us by slowly...very slowly, as if watching the sand fall through the hourglass;
Feeling every second;
Watching as it slips away.
Time brings peace, contentment, experience, knowledge and wisdom.
Time brings unhappiness, distress, anxiety, fear, regrets and misfortune.
I often wonder why time is time.
Why is it called time?
Why should it be so important?
No one understands.
No one realises.
Time has brought me pain, anger, suffering and disgust.
Time has robbed me of what was due to me...what I didn't have but everyone else had.
Time forced maturity upon me.
It opened my eyes to the big, bad world.
Young, I was, sweet and naive.
Deprived - it was taken away from me.
Don't touch me!
You have no right.
I have my space as all people do.
Who are you to invade that?
Who are you to come into my space, my place and protective zone?
You…are...no one.
You are not special.
Time has shown me that.
Time has brought with it insight, clarity and understanding.
Trust no one.
Trust yourself.
Wait, wait! Wait for the answers; time will bring them.
I waited.
I am waiting.
How much longer?
When do I get them?
When does it all end?
Trauma…fear.
Taunted and haunted by the dreadful past.
The past - time has passed.
I wish upon my future.
I wonder with curiosity.
I wait with anticipation.
Does time change what the future holds based on what the past held or what today brings?
Is anything guaranteed in life...except death?
Death…
Time brings with it death.
Death is guaranteed.
Why is only death guaranteed?
It was once said and today I still ask this question: "Why is it that when we are born, we are crying and everyone else is smiling but when we die, we are smiling and everyone else is crying?"
I wonder...
Should it not be reversed?
Should we all not cry to be born into this tainted world?
Should we all not smile to know we are leaving hell and going to heaven?
"Live life to the full."
Should I bungee jump?
Climb Everest?
Is that living life to the full?
Is life on earth?
"Live life to the full."
Care for those that don't always care about you.
Be sincere though at times, they are not sincere to you.
Be a friend - a person there through the good and bad;
A person who does not judge others.
A person who will keep the same perception of you irrespective of what cards life has dealt you.
Love your neighbour.
Why should I love my neighbour if he doesn't love me?
God loves my neighbour, therefore, I will too.
I hate time.
I'm lost, bewildered, confused and muddled up within the complications of my own life - unaware of where I am going and why.
Going forward, I am, but only because time is taking me there;
Not because I know where I am going.
I lack direction;
Or will it come with time?
©AGK
Talking Eyes
29/08/2006
Looking into Her Eyes, I see love,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see hate,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see passion;
I wonder, is it passionate love or hate?
Looking into Her Eyes, I see pain,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see anger,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see suffering;
I wonder, will Her anguish ever end?
When I look at Her, I see all of Her,
When I look into Her Eyes, I look into Her soul;
I see everything.
From a distance or near-by, I would recognize Her Eyes,
From a distance or near-by, my heart would call upon Hers.
Her Eyes tell a story of triumph and pain,
Her Eyes write of fiction, legend and myth,
Her Eyes have experienced it all, seen it all;
Her Eyes tell a story.
Her Eyes give character,
Her Eyes give depth,
Her Eyes give meaning, to the heart I once kept.
The colour – deep and dark,
Reflecting Her feelings and thoughts;
Thoughts - changing all the time,
Changing like the unpredictable sea,
Changing like the unexpected winds.
She need not speak,
She need not whisper a word,
Her Eyes talk.
Whether anguish or joy;
Her Eyes talk.
I know Her, because I know those eyes.
I know Her, because I recognize the way Her Eyes talk to mine,
The way Her Eyes convey Her inner most intimate thoughts and feelings;
The way They communicate with mine.
She need not speak,
She need not whisper a word,
Looking into Her Eyes is when I go weak,
When I can not speak,
When nothing is heard,
And nothing is said.
Our Eyes lock, nothing to break the gaze;
Our Eyes lock, our hearts talk, our souls hold hands and our spirits dance together.
Her Eyes and My Eyes,
Our Eyes will talk forever.
©AGK
Looking into Her Eyes, I see love,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see hate,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see passion;
I wonder, is it passionate love or hate?
Looking into Her Eyes, I see pain,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see anger,
Looking into Her Eyes, I see suffering;
I wonder, will Her anguish ever end?
When I look at Her, I see all of Her,
When I look into Her Eyes, I look into Her soul;
I see everything.
From a distance or near-by, I would recognize Her Eyes,
From a distance or near-by, my heart would call upon Hers.
Her Eyes tell a story of triumph and pain,
Her Eyes write of fiction, legend and myth,
Her Eyes have experienced it all, seen it all;
Her Eyes tell a story.
Her Eyes give character,
Her Eyes give depth,
Her Eyes give meaning, to the heart I once kept.
The colour – deep and dark,
Reflecting Her feelings and thoughts;
Thoughts - changing all the time,
Changing like the unpredictable sea,
Changing like the unexpected winds.
She need not speak,
She need not whisper a word,
Her Eyes talk.
Whether anguish or joy;
Her Eyes talk.
I know Her, because I know those eyes.
I know Her, because I recognize the way Her Eyes talk to mine,
The way Her Eyes convey Her inner most intimate thoughts and feelings;
The way They communicate with mine.
She need not speak,
She need not whisper a word,
Looking into Her Eyes is when I go weak,
When I can not speak,
When nothing is heard,
And nothing is said.
Our Eyes lock, nothing to break the gaze;
Our Eyes lock, our hearts talk, our souls hold hands and our spirits dance together.
Her Eyes and My Eyes,
Our Eyes will talk forever.
©AGK
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